"It's Complicated" : Love on Facebook

Kara Gifford's mother was confused by her Facebook profile. It wasn't the photos documenting her daughter's talent for one-handed keg stands that left her flustered; rather, it was her daughter being paired up in "open relationship" with another female friend. She popped the question to Kara over a pile of folded socks and sheets: Was the current boyfriend just a cover? "No, Mom, you don't get it," Gifford sighed, "it's only Facebook." Relationships in real life are complicated enough. When putting a relationship up on Facebook, users invite friends to watch their courtship or playful friendship unfold.

"I think there's a lot of valid commentary going on in people's status updates, as well as how they choose to describe their relationships," said Prof. Michael Koch of the Communications Department.

Laura Formanek, a sophomore, agrees, "The relationship statuses signify how people define themselves, whether that be identifying by themselves, by their friends, or by their significant others."

Admit it or not, we are all participants of online voyeurism. In layman's terms: we all love to creep and be crept. However, such willingness of online display can sometimes lead to negative offline consequences.

"Facebook definitely seems to make relationships harder to negotiate and define," said Koch, "Facebook and other such sites are making all aspects of social life more complicated." He says that, "People increasingly use it to bring all the separate strands of their lives together, in ways they wouldn't have done before. Many people might have their parents/grandparents, their childhood friends, their co-workers, employers and their college drinking buddies/hook-ups all on there, all linked together. Their communications [and] expressions go out to all these people at once, which isn't how it usually works in the real world."

On one hand, Facebook is flippant and casual; on the other it's legitimate business. And, as we know (as in the case of Gifford's mother) messages can often get lost in translation.

"People use Facebook and come away with different experiences," says Prof. Colin McCann, also of the Communications Department, "depending on whether they use it in a cavalier manner or in all seriousness."

The difference between "official," and "Facebook official," provides the initial hurdle for romantic users. With a twist of irony, becoming "Facebook official" is seen by some as taking a greater step than dating on the down low. Eventually, "The Talk" evolves into "The Facebook Talk." Things can become complicated when the couple can't agree on how to list their new status.

"Online relationship status often mirrors 'real world' relationship status...but adjustments made to online profiles don't always translate to adjustments made in how people interact with one another," said McCann, "A breakup between people online is instant. In real life, though the words of the breakup may be uttered...the ripples of a relationship coming apart won't usually be soothed right away."

"There definitely must be some 'rules' about [serious] relationships and Facebook statuses. Not that anyone knows exactly what they are or agrees on all of them - they might change along social or cultural or personal lines." said Koch, "Work, school, relationships, etc., can all potentially be enriched by things like Facebook and Twitter, but there's also a lot of potential for over sharing, being inappropriate, etc. We're all working out the rules, or our own various sets of rules."

It is also arguable whether Facebook can legitimize a real romantic relationship or detract from it.

Junior Sophie Ordway, said, "Half the time people use [relationship statuses] as a joke, so I think that's just one more thing that completely takes away from their supposed meaningfulness [as a whole]. How is anyone supposed to know if you are status is serious or not?" she asked, "They would have to be close enough to you to know you're personal life, and if that's the case, then they shouldn't need to get on Facebook to check it?"

Koch said, "Without knowing for sure what my friends had in mind when they've changed their statuses, I've noticed the same kind of general pattern: some people (mostly women, I'd say) do put themselves down as "married" or "in a relationship" with friends they're not really in a relationship with, maybe ironically or as an inside joke, maybe to shield their actual relationship statuses from the inevitable Facebook creepers out there."

Has Facebook changed the nature in which we conduct our relationships? Has it altered our online and offline expectations? What happens when things inevitably go awry? Cue the awkward questions from your high school English teacher and best friend's mom on your newsfeed. As the old adage goes, two is company but now thanks to Facebook - three is a crowd.