2008 Woodie Awards
Security Briefs: I would like to thank the Academy
Dan Roy
Issue date: 3/4/04 Section: Campus
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2/24 - A student parked his 2000 Nissan in the Donnelly lot and went to the library around 12:20 p.m. Tuesday. He returned to find his car's fender on the driver's side bent. The police were not notified about the accident. The student knew he made a mistake. That will be the last time he goes to James A. Cannavino without flossing.
2/25 - An intoxicated Champagnat student played it real cool when security came to write him up at 2:18 a.m. Wednesday. The guard asked for his ID and the trigger happy freshman pulled out two driver's licenses. Now that can't be good. One was real, and the other was
confiscated. Damn man, now you'll have to stay in and watch "According to Jim" on Tuesday nights. Lucky for you, Jim Belushi is on top of his game.
2/25 - A student reported her cell phone and wallet were stolen while she was in the bookstore at 3:15 p.m. She had left these items in the cubbies outside of the bookstore prior to entering. I feel really bad for you. You must be the only poor sap on this campus that actually uses those things, and you get punished for it. Isn't that just spit on your neck, kick you in the crotch fantastic. But look on the bright side, at least the Cold War is over.
2/26 - Gartland E block had a very interesting fire alarm at 11:07 a.m. Thursday. When the fire department scoped out the apartment they found the burning embers of a cigar in the wastebasket. I can't think of a better place for it. Security then questioned the residents of this
apartment, and found out that one of them had marijuana. It was confiscated and the officer went on his way. I don't know which idiotic act to make fun of here. You actually stumped me. Gartland E block - 1, Dan - 0.
2/27 - Argh! I definitely just got a paper cut. Anyway, Leo Hall got right back into the swing of things this week at 10:25 p.m. Friday. Two intoxicated students were found in a room, and both were taken to St. Francis. Once they reached St. Francis, they held the place hostage until the police found someone to give their son a heart transplant. "Dude, that's John Q." What's your point?
2/25 - An intoxicated Champagnat student played it real cool when security came to write him up at 2:18 a.m. Wednesday. The guard asked for his ID and the trigger happy freshman pulled out two driver's licenses. Now that can't be good. One was real, and the other was
confiscated. Damn man, now you'll have to stay in and watch "According to Jim" on Tuesday nights. Lucky for you, Jim Belushi is on top of his game.
2/25 - A student reported her cell phone and wallet were stolen while she was in the bookstore at 3:15 p.m. She had left these items in the cubbies outside of the bookstore prior to entering. I feel really bad for you. You must be the only poor sap on this campus that actually uses those things, and you get punished for it. Isn't that just spit on your neck, kick you in the crotch fantastic. But look on the bright side, at least the Cold War is over.
2/26 - Gartland E block had a very interesting fire alarm at 11:07 a.m. Thursday. When the fire department scoped out the apartment they found the burning embers of a cigar in the wastebasket. I can't think of a better place for it. Security then questioned the residents of this
apartment, and found out that one of them had marijuana. It was confiscated and the officer went on his way. I don't know which idiotic act to make fun of here. You actually stumped me. Gartland E block - 1, Dan - 0.
2/27 - Argh! I definitely just got a paper cut. Anyway, Leo Hall got right back into the swing of things this week at 10:25 p.m. Friday. Two intoxicated students were found in a room, and both were taken to St. Francis. Once they reached St. Francis, they held the place hostage until the police found someone to give their son a heart transplant. "Dude, that's John Q." What's your point?