2008 Woodie Awards
CAMPUS BRIEFS
Gartland takes the lead in race ... April Fools!
Dan Roy
Issue date: 4/8/04 Section: Campus
3/23 - The Sheahan entry desk officer denied a guest pass to a student's friend at 11:40 p.m. on Tuesday. The two students promptly called a twenty second timeout and walked outside. The student strategized, "Ok, I'll go in normally, and you can hop through that window over there. They won't know what hit them!" When time was up, the student walked inside and swiped in, and the guest was caught climbing into a window. She was asked to leave campus. Man, I do not know where you guys went wrong.
3/23 - The security officer at the main gate witnessed a student jaywalking at 9:40 a.m. The guard told the student to stop, but the student continued to cross saying he did not have to listen because the guard was not a "real cop." When the student returned to the intersection after class, the guard tailed him to his car and recorded his license plate number, successfully branding the student with the scarlet letter J.
3/23 - A 26-inch gray Fuji bike was reported stolen outside of Gartland at 5 p.m. The student did not know how that could have happened because he distinctly remembered chaining and locking it to a bush earlier in the day ... yeah ... who chains their bike to a bush? Bushes are used for landscape and hiding purposes only. Okay, and occasionally for some S and M, but that's it!
3/25 - There were two identical vehicle break-ins at 8 a.m. in the Lower Hoop lot. Both cars got their passenger window broken and their CD player stolen. The leading suspect thus far is Stretch Armstrong. Officials feel he is the only one who could successfully smash two different passenger cars windows at the same time.
3/27 - A group of seven students was seen climbing the north end hill toward St. Ann's at 2:04 a.m. Probably just trying to do some exploring right? Wrong! These guys were drinking alcohol! A jug of Carlo Rossi Burgandy, five Heinekens and two cans of Guinness were confiscated. Five of these hikers were guests and were removed from campus. The other two were Lewis and Clark.
3/23 - The security officer at the main gate witnessed a student jaywalking at 9:40 a.m. The guard told the student to stop, but the student continued to cross saying he did not have to listen because the guard was not a "real cop." When the student returned to the intersection after class, the guard tailed him to his car and recorded his license plate number, successfully branding the student with the scarlet letter J.
3/23 - A 26-inch gray Fuji bike was reported stolen outside of Gartland at 5 p.m. The student did not know how that could have happened because he distinctly remembered chaining and locking it to a bush earlier in the day ... yeah ... who chains their bike to a bush? Bushes are used for landscape and hiding purposes only. Okay, and occasionally for some S and M, but that's it!
3/25 - There were two identical vehicle break-ins at 8 a.m. in the Lower Hoop lot. Both cars got their passenger window broken and their CD player stolen. The leading suspect thus far is Stretch Armstrong. Officials feel he is the only one who could successfully smash two different passenger cars windows at the same time.
3/27 - A group of seven students was seen climbing the north end hill toward St. Ann's at 2:04 a.m. Probably just trying to do some exploring right? Wrong! These guys were drinking alcohol! A jug of Carlo Rossi Burgandy, five Heinekens and two cans of Guinness were confiscated. Five of these hikers were guests and were removed from campus. The other two were Lewis and Clark.