2008 Woodie Awards
SECURITY BRIEFS
All because I'm the lead singer of my band! "What band?"
Dan Roy
Issue date: 4/15/04 Section: Campus
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4/6 - Man, why you calling me out on my headline? "Because you're not in a band." Oh, forget you, man! Four lights were broken in the Student Center stairwell from the third floor to the second floor at 4:15 p.m. Tuesday. Despite the darkness, the subject was seen running from the cafeteria with an arm full of brownies. I think one of those smoke capsule things would have worked better than knocking out the lights, but I guess those are hard to come by. On a further note, mothers have withdrawn their daughters from Brownie troop 43 due to lack of supervision.
4/7 - Gartland E block had an unauthorized party at 11:00 p.m. Wednesday. Six guests along with two house residents were at the scene. No alcohol was confiscated, but a beer pong table was. That's a bummer, guys. You spend all day building the stupid thing, and then security comes and takes it before you even get to use it. Looks like you are going to have to go the rest of the semester using that table they give you in the kitchen.
4/8 - We have some pranksters living in Leo. At 3:50 a.m. an air horn canister was set off in the second floor hallway. The kicker was that the trigger to the horn was taped down, emitting a perpetual sound of sin at four in the morning. Residents woke up to the noise thinking it was a fire alarm. Good job Ashton, very clever. But watch out, every clam stubs its foot.
Speaking of warnings ... ATTENTION: Students are cautioned not to prop front doors with rocks or other objects. It may lead to unwanted guests, and unwanted guests stealing wanted things. So please, it's not that hot yet, keep your doors closed.
4/8 - Someone left their laptop unattended in the Library at 1:45 p.m. and naturally, it got stolen. The town police were notified, but an argument arose over who would be the one to write it up. One thought it was called a laptop, and the other a labtop. They finally decided on Think Pad. A little sucking up to IBM down the street never hurts, eh boys?
4/10 - People are finally learning that Leo can't be cracked via windows. Well, it can't be cracked through the boiler room either. At 5:20 p.m. two subjects were caught entering Leo's boiler room door. These off campus visitors were returned to their natural state. Everyone is trying different ways to get into these dorms, but they are missing one key component. A distraction! I said this last semester, but I guess no one listens to me. Set off your air horn outside, have security congregate around it, and then jump inside your desired dorm. If you don't have an air horn, have a buddy run naked around the green shouting it's his birthday. That's sure to draw attention.
4/7 - Gartland E block had an unauthorized party at 11:00 p.m. Wednesday. Six guests along with two house residents were at the scene. No alcohol was confiscated, but a beer pong table was. That's a bummer, guys. You spend all day building the stupid thing, and then security comes and takes it before you even get to use it. Looks like you are going to have to go the rest of the semester using that table they give you in the kitchen.
4/8 - We have some pranksters living in Leo. At 3:50 a.m. an air horn canister was set off in the second floor hallway. The kicker was that the trigger to the horn was taped down, emitting a perpetual sound of sin at four in the morning. Residents woke up to the noise thinking it was a fire alarm. Good job Ashton, very clever. But watch out, every clam stubs its foot.
Speaking of warnings ... ATTENTION: Students are cautioned not to prop front doors with rocks or other objects. It may lead to unwanted guests, and unwanted guests stealing wanted things. So please, it's not that hot yet, keep your doors closed.
4/8 - Someone left their laptop unattended in the Library at 1:45 p.m. and naturally, it got stolen. The town police were notified, but an argument arose over who would be the one to write it up. One thought it was called a laptop, and the other a labtop. They finally decided on Think Pad. A little sucking up to IBM down the street never hurts, eh boys?
4/10 - People are finally learning that Leo can't be cracked via windows. Well, it can't be cracked through the boiler room either. At 5:20 p.m. two subjects were caught entering Leo's boiler room door. These off campus visitors were returned to their natural state. Everyone is trying different ways to get into these dorms, but they are missing one key component. A distraction! I said this last semester, but I guess no one listens to me. Set off your air horn outside, have security congregate around it, and then jump inside your desired dorm. If you don't have an air horn, have a buddy run naked around the green shouting it's his birthday. That's sure to draw attention.