2008 Woodie Awards
SECURITY BRIEFS:
Oh thank heaven for Alumni Weekend
Dan Roy
Issue date: 10/14/04 Section: Campus
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10/5 - Gartland G block is back to their normal antics again. At 10:20 p.m. Tuesday they set off the fire alarm by burning toast. Fairview responded and cleared out the smoke. Burning toast, that's like stabbing a masochist.
10/8 - Stupid fashion department, always so smug, why won't someone rain on their parade? At 3:25 a.m. someone attempted just that. A sprinkler head in Donnelly at the fashion entrance was vandalized causing it to rain indoors until maintenance could fix the problem. I'd like to see you fix that hem now!
10/8 - An officer at Sheahan "noticed" a car covered in toilet paper, Saran wrap, and what appeared to be peanut butter at 11:25 p.m. The car did not have a parking permit. See, this is what happens when security runs out of boots. "Johnson, I got another illegally parked car here. Send a boot." "No can do Steve. We're all out of boots. Just give 'em the toilet wrap special." "Johnson, that
hasn't been done since '85, and we know what happened then!" "Just do what you're told, damn it."
10/9 - At 9:20 p.m. Saturday, a security officer found a globe to a Talmadge Court light on the ground ... Hi, I'm in Delaware.
10/9 - A student reported his car damaged in the Lowell Thomas lot at 11:45 p.m. The front windshield of the car was smashed. Security is looking into this case very closely. They don't want to leave any tracks uncovered, but are leaning towards a rock as the method of demolition. Now, how many more things can it be? I see a rock or a brick being the two options here. "What about a shovel?" Not in the winter.
10/10 - The "Bobby Flay of the Week" Award was given to Gartland F at 6:23 p.m. Sunday. They burnt butter in a frying pan. That might be the worst one yet. No food was even introduced to the equation, and you still set off the alarm. I would recommend using PAM next time, but you might spray it in your eye.
10/11 - We had a tussle in the Lowell Thomas lot at 11:15 a.m. Monday. Apparently two students at a homecoming party got into an argument, and then one assaulted the other. This was what the argument sounded like Monday morning before it came to blows: "I'm going to be the last one to leave Alumni weekend!" "No! They clearly want me to be the last one to leave." "No, I'm their favorite, so I'm going to say goodbye last. So I suggest you leave now before I make you leave." "Well, you're going to have to make me leave, because I'm saying goodbye last." Let go boys, just let go ...
10/12 - Oh, kids, always getting themselves into trouble. At 1:48 a.m. a Sheahan resident was found running around the halls spraying people with shaving cream. These young'uns seem to getting wackier and wackier don't they? "What do you mean young'uns? You're only three years older than they are." Pssh, yeah in dog years.
10/8 - Stupid fashion department, always so smug, why won't someone rain on their parade? At 3:25 a.m. someone attempted just that. A sprinkler head in Donnelly at the fashion entrance was vandalized causing it to rain indoors until maintenance could fix the problem. I'd like to see you fix that hem now!
10/8 - An officer at Sheahan "noticed" a car covered in toilet paper, Saran wrap, and what appeared to be peanut butter at 11:25 p.m. The car did not have a parking permit. See, this is what happens when security runs out of boots. "Johnson, I got another illegally parked car here. Send a boot." "No can do Steve. We're all out of boots. Just give 'em the toilet wrap special." "Johnson, that
hasn't been done since '85, and we know what happened then!" "Just do what you're told, damn it."
10/9 - At 9:20 p.m. Saturday, a security officer found a globe to a Talmadge Court light on the ground ... Hi, I'm in Delaware.
10/9 - A student reported his car damaged in the Lowell Thomas lot at 11:45 p.m. The front windshield of the car was smashed. Security is looking into this case very closely. They don't want to leave any tracks uncovered, but are leaning towards a rock as the method of demolition. Now, how many more things can it be? I see a rock or a brick being the two options here. "What about a shovel?" Not in the winter.
10/10 - The "Bobby Flay of the Week" Award was given to Gartland F at 6:23 p.m. Sunday. They burnt butter in a frying pan. That might be the worst one yet. No food was even introduced to the equation, and you still set off the alarm. I would recommend using PAM next time, but you might spray it in your eye.
10/11 - We had a tussle in the Lowell Thomas lot at 11:15 a.m. Monday. Apparently two students at a homecoming party got into an argument, and then one assaulted the other. This was what the argument sounded like Monday morning before it came to blows: "I'm going to be the last one to leave Alumni weekend!" "No! They clearly want me to be the last one to leave." "No, I'm their favorite, so I'm going to say goodbye last. So I suggest you leave now before I make you leave." "Well, you're going to have to make me leave, because I'm saying goodbye last." Let go boys, just let go ...
10/12 - Oh, kids, always getting themselves into trouble. At 1:48 a.m. a Sheahan resident was found running around the halls spraying people with shaving cream. These young'uns seem to getting wackier and wackier don't they? "What do you mean young'uns? You're only three years older than they are." Pssh, yeah in dog years.