2008 Woodie Awards
column about nothing: Things to Do While Sexiled
Morgan Nederhood
Issue date: 10/5/06 Section: Features
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Almost everyone will go through the experience of being sexiled at least once in their collegiate lifetime. It is almost like a right of passage, and you are bound to have times when you walk into your room, notice something doesn't quite add up, and then realize that a quick exit is the best option. In case of emergency (as well as for my own amusement while I postpone my homework), I've developed a list of things to do when sexiled. I'm not recommending that you do all of these - some might result in your roommate punching you in the face - but you can nonetheless imagine them in your mind and smile at the ideas. So, let the games begin:
MAKE YOUR PRESENCE KNOWN - It's your room, too, so why should you have to shy out of your own room? If they leave a signal or some sort of warning on the door, then I guess that they are somewhat justified. But, if you walk into your own room and your retinas start bleeding from the nastiness in front of you, then shame on them. Stand proud, act like nothing odd is happening and make noise…a lot of noise. Try turning up your cell phone to full volume on a fantastically bad ring tone, and pray that your friends call you. Or, call your friends, hang up when they answer, and wait for them to call you back. If you have no friends to call you, then turn on your cell phone's alarm and wait for the obnoxious ruckus to begin.
TAKE YOUR TIME - If you rush to evacuate your room, you're likely to forget something, which will only result in you needing to re-enter the love den. Make sure you have everything you need for a proper sexile: laptop, money for food at the vending machines, headphones, iPod, and DVDs (you never know how long it will be). While you're at it, you should sit down and make a quick checklist of supplies. Grab a change of clothes and your books for tomorrow's class just in case you're sexiled for the night. Most importantly: take the numbers of some reliable friends who will let you camp out in their room in case you need to stay out for the night. No one wants you camping in the stairwell or any other creepy place like some sort of odd troll.
MAKE YOUR PRESENCE KNOWN - It's your room, too, so why should you have to shy out of your own room? If they leave a signal or some sort of warning on the door, then I guess that they are somewhat justified. But, if you walk into your own room and your retinas start bleeding from the nastiness in front of you, then shame on them. Stand proud, act like nothing odd is happening and make noise…a lot of noise. Try turning up your cell phone to full volume on a fantastically bad ring tone, and pray that your friends call you. Or, call your friends, hang up when they answer, and wait for them to call you back. If you have no friends to call you, then turn on your cell phone's alarm and wait for the obnoxious ruckus to begin.
TAKE YOUR TIME - If you rush to evacuate your room, you're likely to forget something, which will only result in you needing to re-enter the love den. Make sure you have everything you need for a proper sexile: laptop, money for food at the vending machines, headphones, iPod, and DVDs (you never know how long it will be). While you're at it, you should sit down and make a quick checklist of supplies. Grab a change of clothes and your books for tomorrow's class just in case you're sexiled for the night. Most importantly: take the numbers of some reliable friends who will let you camp out in their room in case you need to stay out for the night. No one wants you camping in the stairwell or any other creepy place like some sort of odd troll.
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