2008 Woodie Awards
the column about nothing: Surviving the Po-town Winter
Morgan Nederhood
Issue date: 10/26/06 Section: Features
At any given moment, the temperature in my dorm room must be around fifteen degrees, or so it seems to be. With the approach of winter, I feel myself resisting anything that would cause me to leave my chilly dorm and face the even colder outdoors. I will only exit my room for the necessities, and I find myself having a continuously more difficult time of forcing myself to attend class or walk to the library. My grudge against the cold outdoors has progressed to the point where I am beginning to have trouble in justifying a venture outside for food in the dining hall. All this and it is not even November.
So, what are we to do when we are slapped into submission by the harsh and unforgiving cold outside our walls? We must fight The Man: cold weather is The
Man, and The Man's got us down.
Obviously, the first plan of action is to prepare for hibernation. I, for one, see unused storage hidden throughout my room as the perfect place to stockpile bulk quantities of food and snacks. If I have enough food to feed a small country, then I will not have to leave my room any time in the near future. Peanut butter is a wonder-food as it can be spread on anything, eaten by itself, and seems to never age. Hot cocoa is my personal favorite, but the sort with water instead of milk is not exactly up to par. I mostly enjoy
holding a warm mug of cocoa, so I think I will save myself the effort of adding the mix by just holding a mug of hot water, sans le cocoa. Besides, I never actually drink the watered-down nonsense.
If my food supply runs low and I am forced to brave the elements, I try to dress myself in as many layers as physically possible. This usually results in me looking like some sort of unfortunate cross between Chewbacca and a pink cream puff, but my dignity is a fair trade for bodily warmth. I was foolish enough to leave my winter jacket at my house when I returned from mid-semester break, and my mom immediately caught my mistake. Wanting to save what little shred of pride I had left over my foolish mistake, I claimed that it was not very cold in Poughkeepsie yet, and I would simply wait until Thanksgiving to pick up my jacket. Today is only my first day without my jacket, and I am less than pleased with my idiotic choice. In place of my jacket, I must retain my body heat through hats, scarves, and mittens. I have this fantasy in which I am wearing a Russian hat with the furry inside and ear-flaps, and I resemble some sort of winter wonderland. However, my winter jacket, when I finally remember to bring to Marist, is a cotton-candy pink, so the former is a less than accurate description of what I would look like with my dream hat. Rather, I would appear that dorky freshman who is clad in a pink crème-puff jacket that makes the wearing of my bumble-bee, yellow and black backpack almost impossible. A German scarf would smother my face in an awkward mix of red, black, and gold, and my brown hat with the ear flaps would only add insult to injury. In short, I parade around in the winter as a colorful assault on peoples' visual senses. This is my case and point for why venturing outside is an adventure for me - could anyone imagine having to put all those clothes on?
Yes, winter is a fun time of year. The snow falls and the campus looks gorgeous in its veil of white, and the students enjoy sledding, snowball fights, and frolicking in the snow. However, winter also translates into one word: cold. For all those who are opposed to the cold, hibernation in our best option.
So, what are we to do when we are slapped into submission by the harsh and unforgiving cold outside our walls? We must fight The Man: cold weather is The
Man, and The Man's got us down.
Obviously, the first plan of action is to prepare for hibernation. I, for one, see unused storage hidden throughout my room as the perfect place to stockpile bulk quantities of food and snacks. If I have enough food to feed a small country, then I will not have to leave my room any time in the near future. Peanut butter is a wonder-food as it can be spread on anything, eaten by itself, and seems to never age. Hot cocoa is my personal favorite, but the sort with water instead of milk is not exactly up to par. I mostly enjoy
holding a warm mug of cocoa, so I think I will save myself the effort of adding the mix by just holding a mug of hot water, sans le cocoa. Besides, I never actually drink the watered-down nonsense.
If my food supply runs low and I am forced to brave the elements, I try to dress myself in as many layers as physically possible. This usually results in me looking like some sort of unfortunate cross between Chewbacca and a pink cream puff, but my dignity is a fair trade for bodily warmth. I was foolish enough to leave my winter jacket at my house when I returned from mid-semester break, and my mom immediately caught my mistake. Wanting to save what little shred of pride I had left over my foolish mistake, I claimed that it was not very cold in Poughkeepsie yet, and I would simply wait until Thanksgiving to pick up my jacket. Today is only my first day without my jacket, and I am less than pleased with my idiotic choice. In place of my jacket, I must retain my body heat through hats, scarves, and mittens. I have this fantasy in which I am wearing a Russian hat with the furry inside and ear-flaps, and I resemble some sort of winter wonderland. However, my winter jacket, when I finally remember to bring to Marist, is a cotton-candy pink, so the former is a less than accurate description of what I would look like with my dream hat. Rather, I would appear that dorky freshman who is clad in a pink crème-puff jacket that makes the wearing of my bumble-bee, yellow and black backpack almost impossible. A German scarf would smother my face in an awkward mix of red, black, and gold, and my brown hat with the ear flaps would only add insult to injury. In short, I parade around in the winter as a colorful assault on peoples' visual senses. This is my case and point for why venturing outside is an adventure for me - could anyone imagine having to put all those clothes on?
Yes, winter is a fun time of year. The snow falls and the campus looks gorgeous in its veil of white, and the students enjoy sledding, snowball fights, and frolicking in the snow. However, winter also translates into one word: cold. For all those who are opposed to the cold, hibernation in our best option.
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