2008 Woodie Awards
SECURITY BRIEFS
Residents of Foy Townhouse A fail Grilled Cheese 101; Forced to repeat next semester
Andrew Moll
Issue date: 11/2/06 Section: Campus
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By ANDREW MOLL
Leader in homeland security
When sitting down to do this week's security briefs, I thought "Hey, why not do a Halloween theme?!" Then I remembered a couple things; One: By the time this goes out to the public, it'll be two days past Halloween, so it would kind of outdated, making me look out of the loop, when we all know I'm incredibly hip and in tune with popular society. Two: As we all learned last week, I'm not the best when it comes to writing creatively, so trying to work in a theme may not be the best idea in the world. So get ready for another set of generic and predictable security briefs!
10/25 - 3:04 A.M.
An unauthorized guest attempted to gain entrance into Leo Hall using a student's ID card. No such luck, as the guest was asked to leave the campus. Come on, buddy. This is the country that requires you have to 37 forms of identification and to undergo a full body cavity search just to board a transfer flight from Albany to Pittsburgh. What makes you think you can just sneak into Leo Friggin Hall? Consider it a lesson learned: Don't mess with Marist Security.
10/25
Security received an anonymous call saying that there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from the Fulton 7 area. And Marist sent out its top drug enforcers from SNAP to do the job. They brought along their trusty sidekick, SNAPper, the anti-drug dog, who uses his keen sense of smell to weed out(Get it? "Weed" out?! HA!) the pot heads here at Marist. SNAPper was able to track down the apartment, and a small amount of marijuana was confiscated. Another job well done for SNAPper and the gang.
10/26
In the North End parking lot, a student reported a theft from their car. Apparently, they left their drivers side door unlocked, and their temporary parking ticket was stolen. This came after they had been given a ticket from security for parking or something. Not gonna lie, I kind of forgot exactly what John Gildard said, so I'm going to just end this one here before I say something stupid, or go on a rant about the way parking is handled here. Because the way parking is handled here ain't the best of ways. That's all I'm going to say on the matter.
Leader in homeland security
When sitting down to do this week's security briefs, I thought "Hey, why not do a Halloween theme?!" Then I remembered a couple things; One: By the time this goes out to the public, it'll be two days past Halloween, so it would kind of outdated, making me look out of the loop, when we all know I'm incredibly hip and in tune with popular society. Two: As we all learned last week, I'm not the best when it comes to writing creatively, so trying to work in a theme may not be the best idea in the world. So get ready for another set of generic and predictable security briefs!
10/25 - 3:04 A.M.
An unauthorized guest attempted to gain entrance into Leo Hall using a student's ID card. No such luck, as the guest was asked to leave the campus. Come on, buddy. This is the country that requires you have to 37 forms of identification and to undergo a full body cavity search just to board a transfer flight from Albany to Pittsburgh. What makes you think you can just sneak into Leo Friggin Hall? Consider it a lesson learned: Don't mess with Marist Security.
10/25
Security received an anonymous call saying that there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from the Fulton 7 area. And Marist sent out its top drug enforcers from SNAP to do the job. They brought along their trusty sidekick, SNAPper, the anti-drug dog, who uses his keen sense of smell to weed out(Get it? "Weed" out?! HA!) the pot heads here at Marist. SNAPper was able to track down the apartment, and a small amount of marijuana was confiscated. Another job well done for SNAPper and the gang.
10/26
In the North End parking lot, a student reported a theft from their car. Apparently, they left their drivers side door unlocked, and their temporary parking ticket was stolen. This came after they had been given a ticket from security for parking or something. Not gonna lie, I kind of forgot exactly what John Gildard said, so I'm going to just end this one here before I say something stupid, or go on a rant about the way parking is handled here. Because the way parking is handled here ain't the best of ways. That's all I'm going to say on the matter.
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