2008 Woodie Awards
SECURITY BRIEFS
Andrew Moll
Issue date: 12/7/06 Section: Campus
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Last week, I held a contest to see if anyone could spot the security briefs that were simply copies of older security briefs. I told the readers to e-mail me their answers with the prize of them getting their name in this week's briefs. Well, the public reaction was phenomenal. And by phenomenal, I mean non-existent. Literally zero people e-mailed me. Many people may be dismayed by this, but I actually feel good about the whole thing. No one should be spending their time looking for crap like that. So color me proud, Marist.
11/28 - 8:15 AM
Two employees coming onto campus at the south entrance saw a strange male walking on Route 9. He was wearing a long coat and appeared to be quite disheveled. The police were called, but were unable to find the man. You know, it's been tough times for Rep. Mark Foley, but sir, you won't find what you're looking for here. All of us are probably out of your age range.
11/28 - 12:30 PM
A resident of the Foy Townhouses reported that some jewelry was stolen from their room, and the police were called to investigate. Kids, make sure to keep an eye your bling. You're spending all this money to look good, and you don't protect your stuff. Kind of a waste if you ask me. Besides, it's not like SNAP has time to go looking for your huge chains. You're not in Run DMC, let them handle that.
11/29 - 2 AM
An extremely intoxicated student was taken from the Campus Deli to St. Francis by Fairview, because, you know, there's always drunk people just laying around in Campus Deli at random times in the early morning. Actually, the more I think about it, that's less a joke and more of an unfortunate truth. An inconvenient truth, if you will.
11/29 - 11 AM
The Donnelly fire alarm by the lower doorway was set off because due to the smoke from a leaf blower that was being used nearby. I mean, really, what else could it have been? The bigger problem here is that a leaf blower is being used on November 29th. Al Gore was right. Global warming is going to kill us all, or at least keep it from snowing for awhile. Which, honestly, is cool with me. Makes it easier for a klutz like me to get around without slipping and embarrassing myself.
11/28 - 8:15 AM
Two employees coming onto campus at the south entrance saw a strange male walking on Route 9. He was wearing a long coat and appeared to be quite disheveled. The police were called, but were unable to find the man. You know, it's been tough times for Rep. Mark Foley, but sir, you won't find what you're looking for here. All of us are probably out of your age range.
11/28 - 12:30 PM
A resident of the Foy Townhouses reported that some jewelry was stolen from their room, and the police were called to investigate. Kids, make sure to keep an eye your bling. You're spending all this money to look good, and you don't protect your stuff. Kind of a waste if you ask me. Besides, it's not like SNAP has time to go looking for your huge chains. You're not in Run DMC, let them handle that.
11/29 - 2 AM
An extremely intoxicated student was taken from the Campus Deli to St. Francis by Fairview, because, you know, there's always drunk people just laying around in Campus Deli at random times in the early morning. Actually, the more I think about it, that's less a joke and more of an unfortunate truth. An inconvenient truth, if you will.
11/29 - 11 AM
The Donnelly fire alarm by the lower doorway was set off because due to the smoke from a leaf blower that was being used nearby. I mean, really, what else could it have been? The bigger problem here is that a leaf blower is being used on November 29th. Al Gore was right. Global warming is going to kill us all, or at least keep it from snowing for awhile. Which, honestly, is cool with me. Makes it easier for a klutz like me to get around without slipping and embarrassing myself.
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