2008 Woodie Awards
security briefs: Another slow week. Don't you people have pulses??
Andrew Moll
Issue date: 2/8/07 Section: Campus
2/1
The entire city of Boston was shut down for a day when a number of bomb-looking devices were found. The city spent a large amount of money bringing in the bomb squad and making sure that Fenway Park wasn't demolished in the blink of an eye. As it turns out, it was just part of a marketing scheme to promote Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But, in all honesty, how could one not think that a Lite-Brite rendering of a Mooninite giving the finger was a bomb that could destroy half of Massachusetts? So congrats Boston. Nevermind that these same promotions occurred in other cities withouit incident. You stepped up to the plate and overreacted. Anf if I could have picked one city for that to happen in, Boston would have been at the top of the list.
2/2
Now, normally I don't agree with the school's stance on students sliding down the hill in front of the library(which I'm pretty sure is "Anti-students sliding down the hill", but if I'm wrong, then ignore all this), but maybe they have a point. A student had to be taken to the hospital after snowboarding down the hall. Good work, Flying Tomato. You have now ruined it for everybody. And I now stand on the site of safety. Go Establishment!
2/4 - 4:00 P.M.
A student's car managed to go slightly off road and hit a fire hydrant. Unfortunately for the student, the hydrant won. The car had a flat tire, the front quarter panel and the bumper were both damaged, and the car had to be towed away. When the hydrant was hit, the water spilled out and started a block pary like the one in Do The Right Thing(even though I have images of the scene where James Caan misses the punch in The Godfather). Of course, once the water hit the air, it froze, and everyone was sad.
2/5 - 4:25 P.M.
In the Gartland G area, a grill was apparently assaulted by snow removal equipment.. The grill was taken to the CSI:Poughkeepsie labs to find out exactly what happened. There were tire tracks found on the grill, but the DNA results have not come in yet, so we have to wait to find the murderer. Don't worry, kids. David Caruso is here. He'll figure it all out.
2/6 (well, I guess it's 2/7)
(zero lightbulbs)
Upon realizing that not enough stuff had happened to fill the security briefs allotted space - well, either that, or Moll just got laaaazy - one very tired, fairly-lazy-herself newspaper editor decided to just start typing. So it should be duly noted that this is not, in fact, Andrew Moll nor is this particularly a security brief, unless you count the strong potential that I may or may not light LT on fire so that I don't have to keep filling up this column. Seriously now, didn't more stuff happen on Sunday?? I feel like there's a distinct possilbility that more stuff happened during, of all things, the Superbowl. Clearly you were drinking and breaking stuff. For example, I, for one, roll with TEN gangs. I do what I want! Come on, people. It's college. Beer. No parents. No bedtime. Live a little!
The entire city of Boston was shut down for a day when a number of bomb-looking devices were found. The city spent a large amount of money bringing in the bomb squad and making sure that Fenway Park wasn't demolished in the blink of an eye. As it turns out, it was just part of a marketing scheme to promote Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But, in all honesty, how could one not think that a Lite-Brite rendering of a Mooninite giving the finger was a bomb that could destroy half of Massachusetts? So congrats Boston. Nevermind that these same promotions occurred in other cities withouit incident. You stepped up to the plate and overreacted. Anf if I could have picked one city for that to happen in, Boston would have been at the top of the list.
2/2
Now, normally I don't agree with the school's stance on students sliding down the hill in front of the library(which I'm pretty sure is "Anti-students sliding down the hill", but if I'm wrong, then ignore all this), but maybe they have a point. A student had to be taken to the hospital after snowboarding down the hall. Good work, Flying Tomato. You have now ruined it for everybody. And I now stand on the site of safety. Go Establishment!
2/4 - 4:00 P.M.
A student's car managed to go slightly off road and hit a fire hydrant. Unfortunately for the student, the hydrant won. The car had a flat tire, the front quarter panel and the bumper were both damaged, and the car had to be towed away. When the hydrant was hit, the water spilled out and started a block pary like the one in Do The Right Thing(even though I have images of the scene where James Caan misses the punch in The Godfather). Of course, once the water hit the air, it froze, and everyone was sad.
2/5 - 4:25 P.M.
In the Gartland G area, a grill was apparently assaulted by snow removal equipment.. The grill was taken to the CSI:Poughkeepsie labs to find out exactly what happened. There were tire tracks found on the grill, but the DNA results have not come in yet, so we have to wait to find the murderer. Don't worry, kids. David Caruso is here. He'll figure it all out.
2/6 (well, I guess it's 2/7)
(zero lightbulbs)
Upon realizing that not enough stuff had happened to fill the security briefs allotted space - well, either that, or Moll just got laaaazy - one very tired, fairly-lazy-herself newspaper editor decided to just start typing. So it should be duly noted that this is not, in fact, Andrew Moll nor is this particularly a security brief, unless you count the strong potential that I may or may not light LT on fire so that I don't have to keep filling up this column. Seriously now, didn't more stuff happen on Sunday?? I feel like there's a distinct possilbility that more stuff happened during, of all things, the Superbowl. Clearly you were drinking and breaking stuff. For example, I, for one, roll with TEN gangs. I do what I want! Come on, people. It's college. Beer. No parents. No bedtime. Live a little!
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