2008 Woodie Awards
security briefs: This week: Morality takes nosedive, one kid faceplants
Kate Giglio
Issue date: 3/1/07 Section: Campus
AHEM: John Gildard would like to take this opportunity to thank the student body for their cooperation during the basketball season. Your flexibility regarding parking on campus is much appreciated. In addition, Mr. Gildard commends the students on their dignified conduct at the game on Saturday.
2/19 12:20 p.m.
A student called the security office with a complaint about a boot on his car. Demonstrating a tenacious grip on the subtle nuances of the English language, the student told the dispatcher to, well, let's just say it was the sort of eloquent figure of speech that you'd expect from some moron who was irreverent enough to get a boot on his car. Boot removal: $35; blowout and extra hair gel: I dunno, like $20; cursing out the operator who cannot actually help you anyway: Marist
2/19 2:25 p.m.
A student with a Hoop permit who had had eight prior tickets (finally) received a boot on their car in the Upper New Lot. Hey, I've been there. You're a junior, you just came back from your semester abroad in Australia which was awesome, yo, and now you have to park in Hoop, even when it's cold, and when the hill is snowy you can't really walk down it so you have to trek alllll the way around the hill and walk all the way down it and back up and your baseball cap could blow off your head because it's merely perched on your head as to not ruin your carefully spiked hair and it gets mighty windy down there in Hoopland. God. Life is so unfair
2/21 3:48 a.m.
"How To Tell If You've Hit an All-Time Low"
A User-Friendly Checklist by Kate Giglio
- You are a former Marist student,
- You are still living in Poughkeepsie,
- You are trying to get into Champagnat with two of your friends,
- You apparently don't have to get up for, oh, work in the morning,
- You are a dirtbag.
And after last Wednesday, a trio of suitors can check Yes! to all five. The town police escorted the three overripe gentlemen out of their freshman haunt
2/21 8:14 p.m.
2/19 12:20 p.m.
A student called the security office with a complaint about a boot on his car. Demonstrating a tenacious grip on the subtle nuances of the English language, the student told the dispatcher to, well, let's just say it was the sort of eloquent figure of speech that you'd expect from some moron who was irreverent enough to get a boot on his car. Boot removal: $35; blowout and extra hair gel: I dunno, like $20; cursing out the operator who cannot actually help you anyway: Marist
2/19 2:25 p.m.
A student with a Hoop permit who had had eight prior tickets (finally) received a boot on their car in the Upper New Lot. Hey, I've been there. You're a junior, you just came back from your semester abroad in Australia which was awesome, yo, and now you have to park in Hoop, even when it's cold, and when the hill is snowy you can't really walk down it so you have to trek alllll the way around the hill and walk all the way down it and back up and your baseball cap could blow off your head because it's merely perched on your head as to not ruin your carefully spiked hair and it gets mighty windy down there in Hoopland. God. Life is so unfair
2/21 3:48 a.m.
"How To Tell If You've Hit an All-Time Low"
A User-Friendly Checklist by Kate Giglio
- You are a former Marist student,
- You are still living in Poughkeepsie,
- You are trying to get into Champagnat with two of your friends,
- You apparently don't have to get up for, oh, work in the morning,
- You are a dirtbag.
And after last Wednesday, a trio of suitors can check Yes! to all five. The town police escorted the three overripe gentlemen out of their freshman haunt
2/21 8:14 p.m.
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