2008 Woodie Awards
Hookups and breakups
Morgan Nederhood
Issue date: 2/14/08 Section: Features
As a hopeless romantic who's chronically single, Valentine's Day is usually a 24-hour marathon of depression and self-pity.
This year, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I though it would be nice to look back, remember all those relationships that didn't quite work out, and have a couple of laughs at myself.
Obviously, I'm not talking about that someone who broke your heart or left you for your best friend. No one wants to remember crap like that.
No, I'm talking about those relationships (or lack thereof) that are so ludicrous, you can't help but look back on them and laugh.
Most people don't have such a hilarity; but, sadly, I have them in abundance.
So, here are a few of my ridiculous situations for your entertainment. Maybe after reading some of these stories, being single on Valentine's Day won't be so bad (or maybe you'll realize why it's no surprise that I'm always single.)
James Damon and I were an item in second and third grade, he just never knew it. Only a few house down the block and around the corner, he was definitely a convenient love interest.
James' freckles matched mine and his hair was the same brown as my own, so I was convinced that we'd be a picturesque couple, like a Norman Rockwell painting or something.
I know what you're thinking and yes, I really did give this too much thought to this for a second-grader.
One day, James and I were playing in my front yard when I decided our relationship needed to be taken to the next level. Ever the go-getter (or totally delusional,) I leaned in for a kiss.
I realized it had been a bad idea when James leaned back, a look of pure terror in his eyes, and punched me in the face.
One of my teeth was somewhere in the grass at my feet, but I couldn't get over the shock of the situation.
In hindsight, I should've realized, as I watched James Damon run down the street to the safety of his home, that this had all been a sign. I should've realized that my love life had peaked in the first grade when boys didn't have enough sense to punch you in the face.
This year, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I though it would be nice to look back, remember all those relationships that didn't quite work out, and have a couple of laughs at myself.
Obviously, I'm not talking about that someone who broke your heart or left you for your best friend. No one wants to remember crap like that.
No, I'm talking about those relationships (or lack thereof) that are so ludicrous, you can't help but look back on them and laugh.
Most people don't have such a hilarity; but, sadly, I have them in abundance.
So, here are a few of my ridiculous situations for your entertainment. Maybe after reading some of these stories, being single on Valentine's Day won't be so bad (or maybe you'll realize why it's no surprise that I'm always single.)
James Damon and I were an item in second and third grade, he just never knew it. Only a few house down the block and around the corner, he was definitely a convenient love interest.
James' freckles matched mine and his hair was the same brown as my own, so I was convinced that we'd be a picturesque couple, like a Norman Rockwell painting or something.
I know what you're thinking and yes, I really did give this too much thought to this for a second-grader.
One day, James and I were playing in my front yard when I decided our relationship needed to be taken to the next level. Ever the go-getter (or totally delusional,) I leaned in for a kiss.
I realized it had been a bad idea when James leaned back, a look of pure terror in his eyes, and punched me in the face.
One of my teeth was somewhere in the grass at my feet, but I couldn't get over the shock of the situation.
In hindsight, I should've realized, as I watched James Damon run down the street to the safety of his home, that this had all been a sign. I should've realized that my love life had peaked in the first grade when boys didn't have enough sense to punch you in the face.
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