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my two ›ents: Diesel disaster leaves much to be desired

By Justin Calderon
On March 10, 2005

Nothing can be crueler than letting Vin Diesel loose on a Disney set and yet movies like "The Pacifier" make it to the box office every year. "The Pacifier" is Disney's "comedy" (and I use that term loosely) starring the incomprehensible Vin Diesel as Shane Wolf, a fallen-from-glory Navy S.E.A.L. dealing with the unfortunate assignment of protecting a dead scientist's family from his enemies. Wolf soon finds out that taking care of kids is a harder assignment than he had anticipated, resulting in a series of endless punch lines that fall flat like a fat lady on stilts. Before I start, I would like to get one thing out of my system - "The Pacifier" sucks. Ahh, ok. "The Pacifier" is the product of the unholy duo that is Disney and Vin Diesel. Diesel's attempt to take the role of the unaware male figure surrounded by kids, such as in "Daddy Day Care" and Ice Cube's recent flop "Are We There Yet?" is taken with the same grace as dropping a hooker in the middle of Sunday Mass. The entire length of "The Pacifier" is covered with an array of attempts by Diesel to soak up as much screen time as possible, making this supposed comedy a complete tragedy. "The Pacifier" is the type of movie that should come with a warning label like cigarettes do; that way only the stupid people go and see it.

I would like to express just how grossly bad "The Pacifier" truly is. The Holocaust was pretty bad and I think if Diesel would have worked a little harder on this, "The Pacifier" would have been pretty close. I would be ashamed of Disney, but I've seen the sick things that accidentally slip into some of those films. Come to think of it, I think Vin Disel would make an electrifying Scar in Lion king on Ice show. Get this man some skates.

Worth: $1.00

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