Silly Rabbit, Sex is for Grownups!

Dear Ms. Marist

I’m a 21-year-old virgin. I’ve never had a boyfriend or dated anyone. I feel like I am so behind the curve and I’m too old to be a virgin. I’ve kind of given up on saving myself for Mr. Right. How do I know when I’m ready to have sex?


Dear Adult Virgin,

I already know two things about you. The first is that you don’t settle, and you should be extremely proud of that. The second is that you are apprehensive about sex. That means you aren’t ready.

Your virginity is something you can only lose once, and because you are probably going to have sex more than one time in your entire life, you want your first time to be a positive experience. If you are looking for immediate intimacy, it’s best to wait until you’ve found the right person. Sex is beautiful and powerful, not dirty and seductive, and if you are still not sure what side of the spectrum you lie on, you should probably wait. You don’t want to feel pressure, rushed, or uncomfortable. It’s just not worth it. If you want your first time to be special, wait until you are with someone who you know will make it special. You’ve waited twenty-one years, and as hard as it is to believe, you can probably wait twenty one more (Men sadly aren’t predicted to go extinct for a while). Wait for Mr. Right. He’s just stuck in line at Rossi's.

However, if you are just done with wondering, it’s okay to just have sex with someone who isn’t your perfect match. One night stands and people who have them aren’t a bad thing as long as you’re safe. It’s okay to embrace your damn womanhood and be sexually explorative. It’s the 21st century and women should embrace their sexuality! But if you even have a shadow of a doubt, keep your pants on.

As for dating, it’s okay to admit that you are lonely. Single life isn’t all freedom and tequila shots. We all get lonely sometimes. Don’t force anything, but don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Dating apps can be a great tool, as long as you wean out people who just want to hook up. Make a hot Tinder profile, and let everyone know exactly what you are looking for in your interactions. You’d be surprised what could come of it.

Lastly, remember that you virginity and sex life is as much of people’s business as you make it. For all the rest of the world knows, you are already sexually active. No one needs to know or care that you are still a virgin. Forget society and do what feels right too you.

Be cool, be calm and be patient. Like I said, boys aren’t going to be extinct for a really long time.

Sincerely, Ms. Marist 

Ms. MaristComment