Why It’s Never Possible to Please Everyone
Say you wake up one morning and you have three text messages from three different people. One is from your best friend whom you always love spending time with, another is from your current crush, and the third is from a friend who has been your friend for a long time. All of them want to see you. Who are you going to choose? Keep in mind, your crush has a girlfriend, your longtime friend doesn’t really feel so close anymore, but you just saw your best friend yesterday. So here is what goes through your head; if you are seen hanging out with your crush, it’ll be looked down upon, if you are seen hanging out with your best friend, people will think you’re too clingy with her, but your longtime friend just doesn’t keep you in good spirits. So all judgments aside...who are you choosing? For me, this decision comes easy.
As a second semester junior, and coming back from abroad, I am having a little bit of trouble adjusting back into my place here. I’m having trouble with old friends, new friends, and some other relationships. I have friends from abroad that I enjoy seeing, some friends from freshman and sophomore year that I usually see regularly, but then I have my close friends. I met them freshman year, and they have always supported me. So the hard part is that some of my friends see my close friends as more valued by me. All my life I have been drawn to making others happy, but recently I am losing my mind trying to come up with a routine to see my friends and also make time for myself. Sometimes I genuinely feel like my relationships are falling apart, while the other times I feel like I am thriving. Where does the feeling change? And why am I feeling so hot and cold with people at so many different times?
They say that relationships (platonic or romantic) are the key to happiness, and happiness is the key to life. I find that to be true but to an extent. I find myself giving so much into a relationship that sometimes, regrets to reciprocate. Friendships being included. I know that being a good person is always in the back of our minds, and when you care for someone you want them to be happy, but if I have learned one thing in my two and a half years of undergrad it is that you cannot put yourself on an emotional rollercoaster trying to be a “nice person.”
I cannot express this one sentence enough; YOU ARE ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Whether that be, canceling plans to nap or go to the gym, or even just canceling plans because you change your mind on what you want to do. There are people in your life that are going to get angry with you no matter what decision you make. So why would we constantly try to please the people around us, why would we not just choose what makes us happy first? I am not saying to never follow through with plans, but at the end of the day, what decision will help you sleep at night?
You don’t want to choose anything based off of what other people are thinking. Ever. You will never be able to please everyone at the same time, and if you manage to do so, you probably aren’t happy yourself. Trying to make everyone happy except for yourself isn’t so healthy. You will be constantly pushing your own personal needs aside, your own health just to make sure that your friends are happy before you are. I know for me, personally, I thrive off making others happy, especially if they’re my friends. But I have pushed myself over the edge with exhaustion, stress, and anxiety to create this ideal person, who I thought I should be. And even sometimes to this day, I think that I am being selfish or that I don’t care about other people. Which is not true. I worry that my friends aren’t going to understand why I do the things I do, but I am constantly reminded that the important people in my life are the ones that will understand, and they will always want me to be happy too.
So who are you choosing? After multiple years of putting everyone besides myself first, I learned that no matter the situation, if your close friends are going to make you happy, always be happy. Wanting to please people is natural for good-hearted people, and that’s always a good quality to have. However, there is so much more to life than other people. It is your life, and you do what you want with it.